His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
