I wish I could teleport
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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