Your mouth is God's brothel.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
