its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
