Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
