You can't motorboat a personality
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
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