i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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