Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
