I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
