Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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