turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize
