Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
