just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
