I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
