this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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