I CAN MOONWALK!
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
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