tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
We talked him into tasing himself.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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