He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
