Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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