I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Your dad touched me again.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
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