why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
