this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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