Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
