I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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