How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Randomize
