He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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