so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Randomize
