I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
