Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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