I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
