Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Hippo gnu deer
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
