eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
