Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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