Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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