seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Randomize
