Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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