So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
