I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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