Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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