"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
