Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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