i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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