addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I touched a dick in church today
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
