last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
