All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
