I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
