She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
