I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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