i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
