Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
